i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
