He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
