If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Randomize
