Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
