oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
