turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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