need another drink. this is the easiest way
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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