Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
