do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
