just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
