I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I have feelings that need drinking.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
