You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
