got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
