just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
