You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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