Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Define "chronic" masturbator.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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