i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
