Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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