why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
As shirtless as possible
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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