Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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