Can i not drive my cunt home
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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