let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
