The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize