shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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