I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
