She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
