Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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