You're so nebulous sometimes
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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