It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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