You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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