Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
