were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
