hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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