break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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