You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
