Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize