can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize