She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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