one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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