Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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