my sisters under your porch take her home
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
