You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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