nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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