i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
