Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
