i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
