if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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