I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize