Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you had me at cake vodka
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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