this beer tastes like vomit already
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
