R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
