Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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