My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize