what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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