Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Randomize
