Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
