She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize