She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
