Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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