New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
