the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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