Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
