But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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