I love black thongs
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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