It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
