I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
