i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
