I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
