she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
