Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
