Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
