I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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