If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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